friends
are people whom we intimate with.
My new German friend, Meli, invited me to a joint dinner at Reffen global food court with 2 other German girls.
At first we maintained conversations while shifted and diverted eye contact like professional adults. Finally jumping into their discussion on the systematic denial of parents on their children’s abilities, I asked about one difficult truth that they were confronting. We laughed at the sudden inwardness and as strangers who longed for togetherhood, courageously opened our palms and showed their wrinkles, their sorrows and aspirations with earnesty.
We were moon flowers beaming under the dark sky. The night opened its petals like a rewarding burlesque striptease. Piece by piece, each move is a renouncement of shame and repression. Our conversation was magic, a spiritual orgasm, I said.
At first we maintained conversations while shifted and diverted eye contact like professional adults. Finally jumping into their discussion on the systematic denial of parents on their children’s abilities, I asked about one difficult truth that they were confronting. We laughed at the sudden inwardness and as strangers who longed for togetherhood, courageously opened our palms and showed their wrinkles, their sorrows and aspirations with earnesty.
We were moon flowers beaming under the dark sky. The night opened its petals like a rewarding burlesque striptease. Piece by piece, each move is a renouncement of shame and repression. Our conversation was magic, a spiritual orgasm, I said.
I saw Meli reading so peacefully at Kaf Bar, Copenhagen. The sight made me happy so I said hi. 
The lovely Meli sat right next to me at Reffen. Her last day in Copenhagen and we shared momos.
The “2 other German girls” were siblings. I felt seen, moved, connected, and laughed so much in their presence.
How do I belong? Am I loved?
If you meet me in person, you may notice that I persist on asking many personal questions. At a younger age, this curiosity was a rebel mechanism. It came from my deep need to feel genuinely connected with others, so the natural course of action is to challenge the usual, sterile conversations around me. By asking differently, the flow of collective attention would shift to the deep layers of human's light and darkness. That is where we voice what was once a whisper in our condemned minds.
Connecting with others is at its essence the deepening of one's humanity. I discovered that if I keep our universal needs close to my consciousness, every interaction can become an opportunity to connect. The universal needs for understanding, loving kindness, ease, joy, humor, authenticity, and so on; They course through all languages and cultures.
During my trip through Northern Europe, I found myself invite others to contemplate on (1) the last time they cried and (2) the 3 things they want to be loved for. My answers shape shifted with each face I met.
Am I offending someone? How can I be safe & accepted?
[Disclaimer: I borrow over-generalized terms to express my personal experiences, in no way I am promoting discrimination via one's nationality.]
I confess that it was especially difficult for me to understand my American friends’ humor.
Many times throughout my years abroad, I pointed to my lack of touch with American pop culture, norms, and politics to explain for the exclusion that I felt. The circles that laughed about important TV moments died when it came to my turn. Sometimes the words fell too fast so I couldn’t trickle comprehension down my non-native ears. But usually I could not contribute anyway because of my foreign history and knowledge.
[to-be-updated]
To restore egalitarianism in our social life, the “superior" must cultivate their sensitivity to the quiet act of exclusion through withholding knowledge. Even if it is knowledge that requires to understand , we must learn to allow others to not know what we know.
Without awareness, we habitually practice domination at home while addressing issues like colonialism at work. To transform the systematic pattern of domination is to bravely confront and re-establish our relationship with ourself and intimate life.
[to-be-updated]
In The Compassionate Mind, Paul Gilbert makes a distinction between compassion and justice. Justice is built on the basis of right and wrong, what’s allowed and not allowed, justification and punishment, while compassion is the ability to understand with kindness.
Shotaro at the Street Food Court, AarhusUpon my arrival in Aarhus, I met Sho by chance at ARoS. We saw each other at a red light in front of the museum and started chatting on variant practices of socio-psychology. His studies, insights, and network are an important factor for my vocabulary and discourse on love and intimacy. Sho introduced me to some of the Kaospilot students and we visited several community events in Stockholm.
Jimmy at Institut of (X), Aarhus.
We met for the first time at KLUB22. In the above photos, he was showing me how to use sprays and cement to make dynamic art.
I was just thinking of Jimmy on my walk to Aarhus University when he drove past by!
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class visits to museums & libraries
